WALKING ON JUPITER

I cam across this beautiful essay written by the father of Mitchell Jones, a 10 year old Utah boy who passed away last March.  While it has been longer than that since David's death, I could completely understand what he is talking about with the world feeling so heavy.  I thought I would share.  You can see the original essay on facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/mitchellsjourney?hc_location=timeline

Still love and miss you David, every single day.

WALKING ON JUPITER
A few weeks ago I walked by Mitchell’s room and noticed through the half-opened door his mother sitting on his bed with a look of sorrow and a longing for her little boy. She had a pain in her countenance only a mother who lost a child could know. As I quietly walked toward the door my eyes blurred and I stumbled over my heart as it fell to the floor. 

Without making a noise I took this photo with my iPhone and disappeared into the shadows so she could have her moment uninterrupted. My wife sat on his bed deeply contemplative – stripped of a tender child she loved with all her soul. I could only imagine what thoughts were crossing her mind as she sat in the very place we tucked him in at night, where we gave him hugs and kisses, had long conversations, and played video games. This was the very place we held our son’s hand weeping that we couldn't save him from death and telling him we were so very sorry; the place he said “it’s okay mommy.” This was the place our precious son passed away in the deep freeze of a winter night while his faithful puppy had curled around his head as if to comfort him.

I’ll never forget that night … the night Mitchell passed away. I can still see her kneeling on the edge of his bed as she draped over him sobbing, hugging him, holding his lifeless hand … wishing he wasn't gone. That was the day my wife and I left earth and took up residence in an unfamiliar place. That was the day our world changed.

There are days … sometimes agonizing moments … the gravity of grief is so great it feels like I’m walking on Jupiter. It’s a place where your chest feels so heavy even breathing is difficult. I have come to learn that once you lose a child you leave earth’s gravity forever. You may visit earth from time-to-time, but Jupiter is where your heart is. And from what I can tell, we will live the remainder of our lives in the gravity well of grief. 

There are many well-meaning people, as if to throw an emotional lifeline, who try to remind us life is but a “speck” in the eternal scheme of things. Or that they’re sorry for our “temporary loss” as if the wave of a hand and a simple utterance will assuage our sorrow. And while I understand the eternal nature of the soul – being mortal, life is the longest thing I know. The years ahead seem to stretch out into infinity and seem so very long without my son. I miss him terribly.

Jupiter, with its crushing gravity, is home. At least for now.

Author Bill Bryson said his book A Short History of Nearly Everything, that the universe is not only larger than we imagine, it's larger than we *can* imagine. When I read his words, that very notion blew my mind. To consider that the universe is so big that we don’t have the capacity to comprehend it … it gave me shivers. Bill Bryson’s comment reminded me of a passage in Isaiah where God said “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways …. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” 

While walking on Jupiter I have learned that to have a knowledge of God (even a relationship with Him) doesn't protect us from pain and sorrow - but it can give meaning to pain and suffering. 

One day my heart will leave Jupiter for a better place. Between now and then, the gravity of grief is a necessary crucible of growth. After all, it isn't our bodies that need to grow, but our souls.

And as I gaze into the night sky and contemplate the sheer immensity of space and mankind’s utter nothingness in the context of the universe – I feel a whisper in my soul that we are the reason all of that was created in the first place.

Hope

"Hope sustains us through despair. Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us......Such a mature hope comes in and through our Savior Jesus Christ. To all who suffer-to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely- I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in. Never surrender. Never allow despair to overcome your spirit. Embrace and rely upon the Hope of Israel, for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens every heart."  ~ President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

With Easter quickly approaching, I know I'm spending a lot of time thinking about the resurrection that will one day come.  I am so grateful for the hope we have in Jesus Christ and the knowledge we have that we will see and hug our David again. 

Homeward Bound

HOMEWARD BOUND

In the quiet misty morning 

When the moon has gone to bed, 

When the sparrows stop their singing 

And the sky is clear and red, 

When the summer's ceased its gleaming, 

When the corn is past its prime, 

When adventure's lost its meaning, 

I'll be homeward bound in time. 

 Bind me not to the pasture; 

Chain me not to the plow. 

Set me free to find my calling 

And I'll return to you somehow. 

If you find it's me you're missing, 

If you're hoping I'll return, 

To your thoughts I'll soon be list'ning, 

In the road I'll stop and turn.

Then the wind will set me racing 

As my journey nears its end, 

And the path I'll be retracing 

When I'm homeward bound again. 

Bind me not to pasture; 

Chain me not to the plow. 

Set me free to find my calling 

And I'll return to you somehow. 

In the quiet misty morning 

When the moon has gone to bed, 

When the sparrows stop their singing, 

I'll be homeward bound again

.

What's On The Other Side?

My mother in law came across this book a few months ago and got it for me for my birthday. I just wanted to share with you a part i read today -

"Because of the importance and urgency of the work of the Lord in the spirit world, there are times when faithful men and women are called to that work before we may think that they are ready to die. Similar to Church callings here in mortality, deaths are sometimes unexpected and come at what we may think are inopportune times. Elder Neal A. Maxwell gave an insightful observation of this fact. He said: "On the other side of the veil, there are perhaps seventy billion people. They need the same gospel, and releases occur here to aid the Lord's work there. Each release of a righteous individual from this life is also a call to new labors. Those who have true hope understand this. Therefore, though we miss the departed righteous so much here, hundreds may feel their touch there. One day, those hundreds will thank the bereaved for gracefully forgoing the extended association with choice individuals here, in order that they could help hundreds there."

http://deseretbook.com/Whats-Other-Side-What-Gospel-Teaches-Us-Spirit-World-Brent-L-Top/i/5005476

http://cdn1.deseretbook.com/images/product-images/55/1255/5005476_Whats_On_the_Other_Side_detail.jpg

See You Again

 My friend showed me this song and it made me think of David. I know I will see him again. :) looking forward to that day

"See You Again"

Said goodbye, turned around
And you were gone, gone, gone
Faded into the setting sun,
Slipped away
But I won’t cry
Cause I know I’ll never be lonely
For you are the stars to me,
You are the light I follow

[Chorus:]
I’ll See you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night
Calling me back in time
Back to you
In a place far away
Where the water meets the sky
The thought of it makes me smile
You are my tomorrow

[Chorus:]
I’ll See you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again

[Bridge:]
Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking
But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know
I’ll see you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, yeah yeah

[Outro:]
I’ll See you again, oh
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
Till I see you again
Till I see you again,
Till I see you again,
Said goodbye turned around
And you were gone, gone, gone.

This is Not Your Home

Hi everyone! I feel I owe an apology for abandoning the blog for the last six weeks. The truth is...I just needed a break. It was so wonderful working on the blog every day for a month - but it was emotionally draining and after the 10th I had to step away.

I'm not really sure what the future holds for this blog, but I have a feeling the Lord has a plan and I'll just trust in that process. Every day people have still been coming here. I don't know who you are, but I'm glad there is a purpose.

Today I wanted to create something for you - it's a song that's been important to me over the last year. The title is This is Not Your Home by Hilary Weeks. I love this song because it gives me permission to grieve - to cry, to feel the pain, to beg for help. But it also teaches me that I cannot stay in that state for too long. I must remember my sorrows are a part of God's wonderful plan and I must keep perspective.

As much as I hate what happened last year - I have something to learn. I had a lot of tears and that's o.k. Things are getting easier and that is also o.k. I have been blessed with beautiful reminders of David's life. I have a strong testimony that he still lives and is close to us daily.

Heartache, Sorrow, Pain,. .
Now I must dry eyes
Wipe my cheeks
Reclaim my heart
Piece by piece by piece
'cause I need to breath again
I have to let the sunlight in
God didn't make my soul to be your home
No, this is not your home.

One Day Closer

  I just saw this quote and it made me think of my uncle David. Hope it makes you smile.