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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

can't wait till our next hug David!

Dear David

Dear David,

Today I met Rick for the first time, the “other driver” from that terrible morning of December 9.  When I heard about the arraignment two weeks ago, I once again put myself in his shoes and could only imagine his heartache and pain.  I really prayed and thought long and hard about what I thought you might want me to say to this man-someone you actually knew a little bit from work.  I feel like you have told me that the only things you want me to show him are compassion, concern and love. 

I didn’t want him to see us in the courtroom and be unsure of my feelings.  And I was worried that when I did meet him my emotions might get in the way of what I wanted to be sure and say.  So, I sent him a letter last week to hopefully put some of his fears aside.  Here is some of what my letter said:

Dear Rick,

I have thought of you often and prayed for your burdens to be lifted through our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I know that through him, we can be truly forgiven for all of our mistakes.  I want you to know that I feel nothing but love, compassion, and concern for you and your family.

My brother David is one of the kindest and most gentle people I know.  He was quick to forgive others and never pretended to be perfect.  One of the things I love about him is how he tried to learn from his mistakes and was always trying to be a better person.  I feel like many of the promptings I have received concerning forgiving you, have come from him.  I feel like he wants you to move forward so that you can use your life to bless to those dear to you. 

Words cannot adequately express the impact of David’s death has been on all of us.  Our family is healing-one day at a time.  As can be expected, some days are better than others.  I am trying my best to cherish life a little bit more and hug my family a little tighter. 

I am so grateful for temple covenants that will make it possible for me to be with my sweet little brother again someday.  I know you wish as deeply as I do that none of this ever happened.  I am so very sorry for the pain you have been through since that horrific day.  

Liz, Kevan and I went to the courthouse together, not really sure what to expect.  We were able to meet Rick briefly before we went into the actual meeting.  I feel like we were all able to heal just a little bit more from our few minutes together.  Rick is grieving so much for all the pain he feels he has caused us.  I am so thankful for the experience we’ve had to get to know him a little bit better and hopefully ease some of his burdens.  Thank you for being patient with me as I try to follow the promptings you seem to send every once in a while. 

I love you with all my heart and miss you so much,

Laura

the IMMUTABLE covenant

Good morning to everyone! As I went to bed last night, I was overwhelmed with gratitude to our Heavenly Father for everything he has given me of late. I went to Education Week last week and received some much needed "filling up" of my cup. I'll share some of my notes later, but first wanted to tell you about a short part of my day yesterday. Short, yes - only took up about two hours of my time - but I know its effects were eternal.

It's actually not so much about WHAT happened as much as WHO. It's someone we haven't talked about very much on this blog, but someone whose story must be told if we are to consider David's story in full. His name is Rick and he is the "other driver" in David's accident. I don't know very much about him myself, but I know he has been deeply sorrowful for his role. He has a lovely wife and 5 children. He actually works at ATK, which is where David worked a few years ago. Their paths did cross at least once on a certain project and he remembers that time with David.

I have been thinking of Rick for many months now, never having met him personally, but feeling a need to include him in my prayers as often as possible. I wanted to send him a letter or card or something several months ago but didn't quite know what to say. What I really wanted to do was just give him a hug. I didn't know what I wanted him to hear from me - nothing really. I just wanted to hug him. Well, I got that chance yesterday and I am so glad I did.

Yesterday Laura, Kevan, and I went to the court house in West Jordan for his arraignment. Because there was an accident involving a fatality, the law needed to do its part. As a family, we have never felt it necessary to seek legal action or do anything to Rick that would be punitive in nature. So much tragedy has already occurred, it just doesn't make sense to cause even more heartache. Besides, we sensed that Rick was already "crucifying" himself over this accident and we didn't need to add to it.

When we first got there, a lady from the Victim's Advocates office was there to meet us. One of the first questions we had for her was if we would be able to meet Rick and if he was there yet. She told us he was there already, but wanted to wait for the prosecuting attorney to meet us first before meeting with Rick. Unfortunately for us, the prosecutor was busy talking with the defense attorney and was taking a long time. Eventually, we got tired of waiting - we could tell Rick and his wife were waiting in the lobby as well and we didn't want to wait any longer. So we took it upon ourselves to make introductions. I first talked to his wife who was pacing the floor. She was instantly teary when I put my arm around her. She was so concerned for her husband. Laura was first to go to Rick and within an instant they were embracing. His sorrow literally racked his entire body as he cried in her arms. When it was my turn, I could feel the weight this man has been carrying with him for the past 8+ months. He sobbed as he told me how sorry he was and how he thinks about David every day.



Going into the court room everything was all business. The judge took our case first and was eager to know what happened. Rick's attorney was very kind to be the one to share the story and he did so with so much love, respect, and sincerity. Any time David's name was mentioned it was spoken with a reverence normally reserved for deity - I will always appreciate that. He explained the scene of the morning and the details leading up to the impact. It's important to note, as his attorney pointed out to the court, there was no law broken leading up to the accident. The traffic light was green, there was no speeding (tests have confirmed his speed at 49.4 mph), no alcohol or drugs, no texting, or other illegal distraction, It was a simple glance at the radio that pulled his attention away for a slight moment - not realizing the car in front of him had not advanced through the green light. Rick, I believe, was the one who called 911 and once the police got there he was completely cooperative to anything they asked of him. He also mentioned to the judge the meeting that took place between Rick and David's family the week after the accident and shared the letter we sent him. Laura had also written a letter last week to Rick and that was also given to the judge. The judge did not read them aloud, but we waited for him to read them silently before proceeding. Before finishing, the attorney told us how important it was to Rick that he enter a "guilty" plea. He wanted to take full responsibility and never wavered on how important that was to him. After the attorney was done, he turned the microphone over to Rick.

I feel the details of Ricks testimony at that microphone are very sacred to me. Rather than give details of what he said, I will just say that his sorrow and horror of his involvement have changed his life forever. That man has been tormented at a level I can never understand. He grieves so much. Is it different than the grief that Cris, mom, dad, or any of us have been feeling? Yes - but it is not to be dismissed. He desperately asks for all of our forgiveness. For those of us who were there, we have given him that forgiveness. It wasn't our place to do that for all of you - you who loved (and still love) David so much. But we add our prayers to Ricks that you will be able to forgive him of his role at some point in your life if you haven't already.

The judge then invited anyone from David's family who would like to address the court to come forward. Laura and I quickly shuffled Kevan up. He did a great job of expressing what was necessary - we know the law must be satisfied, but we do not want any more suffering to be had if not absolutely necessary. Fortunately, the judge was sympathetic and kept the sentencing to a minimum. A fee would be paid, and upon receipt of that payment, any jail time was forgiven. I'm sure you can imagine the relief that was felt. Rick was once again overwhelmed with emotion and could barely get out of the courtroom in one piece. He and his wife embraced for quite some time - a private moment I know he will always treasure. Hugs and tears were once again exchanged as we stood in the lobby. The prosecuting attorney shook hands and went his way, but the defense attorney stayed with us to express his appreciation for our kindness and support of Rick. Apparently he is a personal friend of Ricks who does not usually do criminal trials, but wanted to help his friend in time of need. He was very touched by our families show of support for Rick.

As I left, I thought about all the other people who witnessed what just happened. I can't help but believe their perspectives have been adjusted a least a small bit, if not more. There were other "criminals" in that room awaiting their turn before the judge. I hope the spirit that was in that room touched their hearts as well - and David's loving example continues to help people on this earth.

In closing, I just want to share what I hope to someday share with Rick. In my classes at Education Week, I was taught about this special scripture and felt the Lord wanting me (us) to understand it completely in our grief of losing David. Doctrine and Covenants 98:1-3


 Verily I say unto you my friends, afear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give bthanks;
 aWaiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.
 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been aafflicted shall work together for your bgood, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.

...an "immutable covenant". That certainly gives us a lot to ponder upon. Immutable - not mutable - not able to be quieted. He has heard our prayers. Not only has he heard them, he has SEALED them in a record and will answer them with a promise - not to be muted - that our afflictions will bring us the GLORY of the LORD.

Love to all,
Liz





Thursday, August 9, 2012

Great Quote

 I just found a great quote that I wanted to share with you guys. :)

"Christ and His angels and His prophets forever labor to buoy up our spirits, steady our nerves, calm our hearts, send us forth with renewed strength and resolute hope. They wish for us all to know that "if God be for us, who can be against us?" In the world we shall have tribulation, but we are to be of good cheer. Christ has overcome the world. Through His suffering and His obedience He has earned and rightly bears the crown of "Prince of Peace."
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Comforting Angel


I saw this picture yesterday on the blog of a woman who lost her little girl. 
She wrote: 
"This sculpture, made in Slovakia.  It very well depicts the sorrow of a grieving mother with her angel baby coming to her comfort. It's just beautiful.

Now instead of the 'unwanted' memories intruding my mind, my thoughts turn to this image of you by my side. It brings me much more comfort.

Sweet girl of mine, thank you for anytime you may be at my side. You are probably here more than I'm aware."


I agree that the sculpture is just beautiful.  And I agree that David is by our side more than we are aware.  Just like Brianne said in her latest post.  I know he is so concerned for how we are doing.  When we are still inside and out, sometimes we can feel him near.