Why am i angry?

I am angry because i have to be a mom and dad everyday.
I am angry because i was a good person my whole life, trying to do all the things my Father in heaven said.
I am angry because when Josh asks about Daddy i get so sad that i cant explain him on words that he will understand about what happen to daddy.
I am angry because when i try to play legos with him, he says: Oh mammy i wish my daddy was here.
I am angry because Josh first tooth is about to fall off and Dave is NOT here to celebrate with me.
I am angry because Josh said he does not have a Daddy to go to Scouts like the other boys at church.
I am angry because he wants to go inside the Temple to see Daddy and he just CAN'T.
I am angry because i have this beautiful day for myself and kids and all the planes we had with my Dave went to the garbage.
I am angry because WE WERE ready to have another baby.
I am angry because WE WERE planing on Going to HAWAI to surprise Ben.
I am angry because my Princess just turned 3 and the Bouncing House he wanted to buy for her, never happen.
    December 21,2002: I saw Elder Kenney again, this time it was weird to me calling him Dave and not elder. He is going to be here only for 3 days so we have to make sure he will go back to his house with good memories. I heard he came back for my best friend, what i blessing for her! the only thing that worries me is that she has a boyfriend and i dont think Elder Kenney knows that. Well i wish both the best.

  December 27, 2002: what a small world!since a few days ago my life has change drastically. Last december on the 24 David invited me to go out with him and the only way i can go is if i take my little cousin with me. I feel something very special already for this guy. We held hands like we were dating. On our way to the date he asked me if i would like to go someday where he lives and see the mountains. Last night i found the courage to talk to my dad and told him about this feelings. He said dont get your hopes to high, let things go slow and we will see what happen. I will listen to my dad.

   December 30, 2002: This feelings for Dave are growing up so fast! and makes sad he is going back to Utah. I told my self i will enjoy his company as much as i can and show him that my love for him is real even when we just getting to know each other. He said he cares a lot about me. Is it really worth it? I dont know i hope tomorrow will be another good day like today.

   January 2, 2003: Another year has gone and last year brought me beautiful memories. David has thought me patience and to be humble, he makes me feel so special. He is going back in 4 days and i start it to miss him. At church and with the neighbor hood people are saying i dont deserve him and it makes sad, maybe they are right. David told me I LOVE YOU for the first time! Oh my! oh my! what is this feeling in my heart?. Thanks Heavenly Father i guess i have been doing good so far.

   January 7, 2003: David is back to his home and my heart is broken, i miss him so much i am afraid will will forget me. He gave a note:
    In my home, the songs on the radio will apply to me, i am sure that thinking of you might make me sad, but at the same time will fill me hope and optimism. It's nice to have something to live for. Something to look forward to. It's even nice to have something to miss. I guess that in order to feel something as exciting yet pure as this, i must be willing to also feel the hurt and lonliness of being away from you. I hope it takes a long, long , long, long time before i forget your plethora of "Faces" that always makes me feel the luckiest guy around.
    What can i do to not missing him this much? I want to find a way to always be near him, but that means i have to leave everything here and leave my work, my friends, my culture and the most important, my family, what should i do?

   January 30,2003: David called me and he is still thinking about me. I am so HAPPY he is thinking about me, i feel so lucky to have him.

   February 14, 2003:  David called me and he gave me a wonderful news. He is coming to visit me in a month! My stomach is about to pop, i can't believe he is coming. I will let him know this time how i feel about him and i will tell him that this feelings i have for him are real and i am not confuse.

   March 24,2003: This last week its been the best in my life, why? cause Dave was here, he talked to my dad about his feeling for me and FINALLY we held hands in front on of my friend and family.

   May 20, 2003: Dave is coming back and every time he says that to me i just can't sleep for days and i am always thinking about him and the day i will see him, the real good news is, he is staying for TWO months! Oh my goodness what am i going to do to make him happy and have fun? i just know i am so thankful for this opportunity  that he has to come and spend time with me. I guess i will take this day by day.

 June 27,2003: David is been here for 2 weeks now and this time we have a visitor: his little brother Alex, i feel so honored to meet someone else from Dave's side. I am so happy to have David all this time, i am enjoying every second and every memory. I am so Happy that nothing is wrong right now and is PERFECT.

   July 12, 2003: OH MY! OH MY! OH MY! I AM ENGAGED! and he asked me to marry him and just CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Oh Heavenly Father you love me so much and i am so happy right now. I am going to be spending the rest of my life with this guy, i love him so much and he is everything to me, he makes me happy i just love him. My mom and dad are a little bit sad but i have to do this, cause i love this guy, my heart is telling me his is the ONE and i will follow my heart. I cannot wait until the day i will see him every day and night and start a family together. I love you David James Kenney.

  August 16, 2003: He went back to his house to start preparing the papers for me to go there. I have learn a lot about him. The difference with other couples that are too far away from each other i feel like our love gets stronger with distance and it is worth the wait in order to be happy after. I am his fiance and makes so happy to be wearing my ring and feeling that i belong to him. Counting the days until he comes back! I love you David James Kenney.

   September 6, 2003: I am 21 today, David Called me not too long ago and he said he wishes to be here with me celebrating my Bday. I am so happy that i got to hear his voice, BEST PRESENT EVER!

    October 1, 2003: Dave came back! He will be here only for a week. I cant stop looking at him and thinking how handsome he is, i love his face, his eyes, his humor and the way he loves me. Well i have to stop writing, every minute is gold for me, not time to waste.

   November 10, 2003:  On David's Bday he got  the letter that said i got the permission to go and get my VISA. I am so happy and sad at the same time. Now is real, i have to go and leave my family and start a new life. I dont know how to talk with my parents and tell them that the VISA is ready. My mom is going to be so sad, but i love David more now that my own mom and i already took my decision. Please Heavenly Father help me now, i need you, please i need you. My life is going to change in a few days, in a few days i will be in another country, another language, another culture, new family and i will need you by my side the days i will feel alone. I am leaving everything i know about myself here and start my new life as Cristina Candelaria Kenney.

    Thanks Everyone for reading all this, this is what i wrote on my journal when i was dating with my sweet heart. The lord knows me and i don't know why he took Dave away from me, i did my best, i was a good girl, good sister and good wife and mom and nothing will make me feel better. The show has to go on and i am grateful with Heavenly Father that at least he gave me Dave for 8 years. I still dont understand what i did  wrong and i still have so many questions, for now i need to be angry, if i dont let this phase of my grieving pass, i dont think thing will get easier. Love you all, thanks for you support and help, for the blessing  i had, for the many nights you guys were there with me, for the tears and i just thank you guy enough. I hope my life one day will be better.

An afternoon at Lagoon with Uncle David

Opportunities to Do Good

Dixie sent this to us and asked us to put it on the blog. A wonderful donor story, thanks Dixie.

"I'm So Glad I Said 'Yes'"

I'm So Glad I Said "Yes"
by Jimae Kenney

I'm glad I said yes to warm snuggly fleece instead of cold funeral crepe.
I'm glad I said yes to the best flowers money could buy for my very own piece of mind.
I'm glad I said yes when asked to babysit so they could go to a movie - for how was I to know it would be my very last chance to do something just for him.
I'm glad I said yes when he wanted to have his own Thanksgiving in his own home, even though it meant he wouldn't be at mine.
I'm glad I said yes to the family event of going to see the hot air balloons and staying with cousins in Tahoe.
I'm glad I said yes to spending this past spring break at Disney World with him, and his kids and wife.
I'm glad I said yes when he wanted to create a European facade in my new home. And even further when he wanted to add another level down for a secret hidden room.
I'm glad I said yes when he wanted to spend his Christmas vacation in Mexico. And then he brought home his news of a love that eventually became eternal.
I'm glad I said yes when he wanted to build a real castle with moat and towers, even though it turned his father gray.
I'm glad I said yes to the many Lego sets he simply had to have - to be able to create objects and worlds known only to him.
I'm glad I said yes to the matching sailor suit and dress for my two little darlings, closest in age, when I thought I was playing with real live dolls.
I'm glad I said yes to taking the time to hold and rock him and sing Baby Mine, even though the other four were in need of attention, too.
And, I'm especially glad that I said yes, when in early 1979 the testing strip turned blue.

Things I love about my uncle David

Things I love about my uncle David
1. his smile
2. his laugh
3. his imagination
4. his love for his wife
5. his love for his kids
6. his testimony
7. his practical jokes
8. his funny faces
9. his guitar
10. his amazing drawings
11. his treasure hunts
12. his train rides
13. his fun ideas
14. his riddles
15. his castle
16. the playhouse he built in grandma's basement
17. how he always made you feel special
18. his fun house where he hosted fun barbeques and partys
19. his smart mind
20.  his example to EVERYONE around him

   I love you uncle David! Thanks for your example to me!!!

A Thought for Thursday

I finally read "The Birth We Call Death" by Paul H. Dunn last weekend. It was a quick and easy read, loved it. I bought my own copy and underlined the heckoutofit. I'm tempted to post the entire book here, but thinking it may be a bit much. So instead, I'll just give little quotes and snippets once a week. The book itself is filled with quotes from other various authors, prophets, and "sages" so some of the quotes I list will be from Elder Dunn and some will be from other people. Enjoy -

"In a beautiful blue lagoon on a clear day, a fine sailing-ship spreads its brilliant white canvas in a fresh morning breeze and sails out to the open sea. We watch her glide away magnificently through the deep blue and gradually see her grow smaller and smaller as she nears the horizon. Finally, where the sea and sky meet, she slips silently from sight; and someone near me says, "There, she is gone!

"Gone where? Gone from sight - that is all. She is still as large in mast and hull and sail, still just as able to bear her load. And we can be sure that, just as we say, "There, she is gone!" another says, "There, she comes!" ~ author unknown

Along the same lines, comes this quote

"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come." ~Rabindranath Tagore

Entries

We are working on getting a post by mom and Dixie to come soon. But we'd also love to hear from David's cousins, friends, and neighbors. If any of you would like to tell us your feelings or memories, please submit them by email to Liz at ekirkby@kirkby.org and she will post it for you. We are still grieving his loss and appreciate your comments and thoughts to this blog.

Brothers

While I'm on the subject of brothers, thought I would share these. Not sure why my husband looks like he just farted in both of them.  The one (not Alex's wedding) is after Andrews baby blessing.

Why Im thankful for my trials

Because of trials......

I cherish every moment

Appreciate the sealing powers of the temple

I think of others and what trials they may have had to help me understand them

I have a more perfect understanding of his plan of salvation

I have a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father

My love for my Brother and Savior has been strengthened

The atonement is very real to me

My heart is open to all that my Father would have me learn

I'm humbled

I see my weaknesses and have a greater desire to fix them

I have a clarity of eternal perspective

So grateful for all those who honor their baptismal covenants to mourn with and comfort these who stand in need of comfort

 

I have a burning desire to attend the temple often, to gain amazing knowledge to be with my Father again.

Journal entry

Journal Entry Written on 1-21-12

On December 9^th my Brother-in-law was taken from us in a tragic car accident. One brother taken from this life at the tender age of 32 leaving his beautiful wife Cristina and his son Joshy and his two year old daughter Jasmine, leaving behind all his dreams and plans of a full life with his family.

On December 12^th, my brother was put into jail for actions derived from an addiction to pornography.  One brother seeing his first picture of pornography on the road home from kindergarten, seeing it while playing in some trees, seeing it in an investigators home while on his mission.  Praying daily and attending the temple.  Thinking he was strong enough to overcome the thoughts and images on his own.

One brother whipped and spit upon.  Mocked and jeered at.  One brother bleeding from every pore pleading on our behalf.  Hung on a cross and pierced with a sword.

Each of us in need of the atonement.  Each of us to rely on our brother.  Each of us sent to this earth to experience.  What is your experience?  Anger? Divorce? Addiction? Pride? Illness? Death? What is your experience you were sent here to overcome?

None of us are exempt from trial.

One brother sent here to deceive us.  To whisper to us that we are inadequate, to tell us we can overcome on our own.  To give us shame, doubt, and fear.  To give us embarrassment.  To keep us in the same pattern of addiction and self loathy, and sadness.

If we could only turn our lives over to our Heavenly Father, to trust him, to follow him.  We would be healed.  If we could be healed, we could aid in the healing of those around us.  We could progress (I actually wrote…We could stop banging our head against the wall.)

The atonement gives comfort for a life taken too soon.  The atonement gives hope to the one who loves his wife and children facing divorce, hoping to overcome ones addiction.

There is no shame in coming forth and asking for your Savior to remove this cup.  Only with his stripes are we healed.

Picture David

Here's a preview/teaser of something I'm working on... make sure to pause between each entry so you can picture in your own mind what I am trying to say...

Picture David, driving his train,

Pleasing children, both young and old.

Picture David, enjoying his work,

Inventing a better way to get things done.

Picture David, adjusting his insurance papers,

A small thing, with such a lasting effect.

Picture David, vacillating over a choice,

Between a fun trip with friends or staying home with family.

Picture David, pausing a little longer in Joshua’s doorway,

Saying goodnight one last time to a son he loves so much.

Picture David, watching Jazzie as she sleeps,

Feeling in his heart, the deepest love a father.

Picture David, working with sweet Cristina,

One last evening spent together, deep in pensive thought.

Picture David, leaving his house,

On his way to what should have been a very normal December day.

Picture David, suddenly standing before the Savior,

Confused at the situation, but feeling that sweet embrace.

Picture Our Savior, telling David what happened,

And offering a choice to proceed with the work, or return to the earth with his family.

Picture David, contemplating that decision,

Knowing what it would mean to all of us,

Picture David, looking the Lord straight in the eye,

Saying, I’ll go where you want me to go.

Picture Mont and Margaret, bursting with joy,

As they receive and embrace the first of their very own.

For days when you just need to jam again.

I don't know about you guys, but every time I hear this song on the radio, it gives me power. I suddenly feel like my burden is lifted and I can do anything. It honestly gives me strength and hope for the future.

Even though this song is technically about some stupid breakup, and it's not even close to a spiritual message, I hope it's okay that I posted this song here. I think it is- mostly because I'm constantly reminded of the message that "it's okay to be happy". It's okay to find yourself dancing in the car alone again, and want to sing at the top of your lungs.

Even when we all struggle through the trials that we are all suffering on this earth we can remember that this is making a stronger, better person. We are all developing into people with better perspectives on life, family and happiness.

What brings you guys happiness and strength?

(besides the obvious answers- i.e. gospel and family)

What in your every day life makes you glad that you are still living?

(Maybe it's something as simple as the cinnamon rolls you had for breakfast)

What has been making you look on the bright side?

(Hey! The snow hasn't been sticking all winter! woot!)

It's okay to be sad sometimes. But we can't forget to be happy either.

River Flows in You

Back in early December last year, my daughter Hannah was preparing to learn a piano piece for an audition that was coming up in January. The song she had chosen was this beautiful lyrical piece called "River Flows in You" by Yirma. She had been working on it for several days and it was starting to come together. On December 9th I got an early call from my sister Nicole informing me that David had gotten in another accident and it seemed really serious this time. The next few hours was filled with worry, phone calls, and prayer.

Throughout the morning Hannah kept working on her song. As I would come out of my room from time to time to update my husband and kids what we were finding out I would hear this song. It was so beautiful and soothing - yet my world was not right. At one point, I was on the phone with Laura to tell her that many people I had talked to were putting Davids name on temple rolls across the country, she answered the phone quickly to say the doctor had just come in the room to tell us what he knows and let me stay on the phone to hear.

I could hear Hannah's music coming from downstairs, so I went to my closet to close the door and have complete silence while I tried to listen in. It was while in my closet, kneeling on the floor with my ear peeled to the phone, that I heard the doctor first give encouraging news of David's head injuries and how they finally got the bleeding to stop and sew him back up, but it wasn't enough - our David would not be coming back to us. He was gone.

I couldnt believe it - did he just say what I thought he was saying? I didn't think it was true, but then hearing the cries and gasps through the phone of Cris and my parents, Laura sniffling, and people talking over the doctor I knew their reaction was telling me more of the truth. I stayed on the floor in my closet with my hand over my mouth thinking to myself  "he's gone?".

I finally came out of the closet in tears. I dont remember what I told my husband or kids at that point. But I remember Hannah's music continuing. It continued all day long. I loved it and hated it at the same time. I quickly started packing a suit case to take to Salt Lake - not knowing what to pack. I remember having to stop mid packing and starting to cry realizing I was packing for a funeral. The piano continued.

For the next 8 weeks, that song is almost the only song Hannah would play. Her audition was coming up and it needed her constant attention. It would often bring me to tears just to hear her play it. She wasn't meaning to make her mom sad while playing, but it couldn't be helped.

Her audition is over now (results unknown until March/April), and she doesn't play it near as often. But when she does, it brings tears and memories to me. I do love the song, music always brings emotions to the surface for me. It will forever be my David Song.

I love you brother and hope you are near me every time I hear this song. Enjoy ...

Master, carest thou not?

"When Daniel was diagnosed with cancer the first time, he said he believed Heavenly Father wanted him to learn something before he could move on. When he was declared in remission the first time, he thought he had “passed the test.” But then it came back again, and then again. For a long time, Daniel said, he wondered if there was something he wasn’t learning that God wanted him to. It was during the cancer’s second recurrence that he reached a turning point.

"He was reading in the New Testament: “And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. “And [Christ] was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4:37–38). “I thought to myself, ‘That is exactly the way I feel right now,’” Daniel said. “’Master, carest thou not that I perish? Carest thou not, Heavenly Father, that I have cancer? Carest thou not that my wife and I want to start a family? Carest thou not that I’m tired of doing this? Carest thou not that we want to continue our lives?’”

"When Daniel continued reading, he said, he found the answer to all of his questions. “The Savior’s response to His disciples was, ‘O ye of little faith,’ and He stretched forth His hand and He calmed the tempest,” Daniel said, quoting Matthew 8:26. “I had to ask myself in that moment, ‘Do I believe that this actually happened? Do I believe that Christ calmed the waters that day?’ And I do. And because I believe that, I know that He can calm the tempest going on inside my body. . . . And it’s not my job to ask why or to wonder why this is happening to me again. My job is just to have the faith that Heavenly Father is in charge and that He knows what’s best for me.”

 On March 25, 2008, just three months after Daniel’s initial diagnosis, Melanie wrote on their CaringBridge blog, “Although I don’t believe God GAVE Daniel cancer, I do believe He ALLOWED the cancer to come into our lives at this time for a purpose that we do not yet know. But I know there is a purpose that He has in mind.”

 

 See the full article here. Notice in the conclusion the following statement: "As of January 2012, Daniel Hedlund is cancer-free. The eight-inch donor bone that replaced the cancerous part of his femur has yet to incorporate fully, so he continues to walk with the aid of a cane. Every three months for the rest of his life, Daniel will undergo scanning to check for new cancer growth throughout his body."

What a wonderful blessing and gift he was given from an unknown doner to help save his leg and his ability to continue walking. I know our David is so pleased that Cris, mom, and dad decided to let him be a doner. I hope we can meet some of them some day and tell them about Dave.

Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light

Last weekend I got to hear Brother Williams speak at a conference.  It was so inspiring for me to hear about his faith in and love for our Savior and Heavenly Father. 

He said that in that moment, when he realized his wife and children were gone, he was given the choice to forgive and let it go or to open the door to Satan by filling his heart with anger and despair, for Satan seeks for us all to be "miserable like unto himself", and he works tirelessly to take our peace from us.  Thankfully Brother Williams chose peace, I know that when we chose to forgive, we can be receptive to the promptings of the spirit and bring us the hope, peace and comfort we all need.

He told us that this week is the 5th anniversary of his family's passing.  I was glad to hear that he has remarried (to a young widow) and seems happy.  I know that some days it seems hard to imagine, but there are happier days ahead for each of us.  We will always miss David, but the pain won't be as deep and unbearable. 

He ended by singing the last verse of the beautiful hymn, "Come Thou Fount":
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, as a fetter
Bind my wand’ring heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I Love
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above

Our family is forever bound together in love.  Brother Williams encouraged us to ask:  "What burden can I lay at the Lord's feet today that He might work miracles in my life?"  An interesting question to ponder.

Face the Future with Faith

I came across this conference talk given last year. Its funny how things take on a new meaning when life changing events take place. I'm noticing it in my scripture study as well as reading the conference talks and Ensign articles. I sure love the Lord and am so thankful for my parents who have taught me well, my siblings and their families who have been constant examples and supporters, and my husbands family who have been stalwart.

My favorite parts: "It is true. We live to die, and we die to live again. From an eternal perspective, the only death that is truly premature is the death of one who is not prepared to meet God... God’s holy angels are ever on call to help us. The Lord so declared: “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” What a promise! When we are faithful, He and His angels will help us." "How you deal with life’s trials is part of the development of your faith. Strength comes when you remember that you have a divine nature, an inheritance of infinite worth.

The Lord has reminded you, your children, and your grandchildren that you are lawful heirs, that you have been reserved in heaven for your specific time and place to be born, to grow and become His standard bearers and covenant people. As you walk in the Lord’s path of righteousness, you will be blessed to continue in His goodness and be a light and a savior unto His people." "The greatest of all the blessings of the priesthood are bestowed in holy temples of the Lord. Fidelity to covenants made there will qualify you and your family for the blessings of eternal life. "Your rewards come not only hereafter.

Many blessings will be yours in this life, among your children and grandchildren. You faithful Saints do not have to fight life’s battles alone. Think of that! The Lord declared, “I will contend with him that contendeth with thee, and I will save thy children.” Later came this promise to His faithful people: “I, the Lord, would fight their battles, and their children’s battles, and their children’s children’s, … to the third and fourth generation."

Wow, I love that! When we (personally) are faithful, he will protect our children "to the third and fourth generation". I am thankful for living prophets who bring us spiritually inspiring words! What is your favorite part of this talk?

A Beautiful Heartbreak

A thought from Ben...

Here are some of my thoughts... it's so hard to say good-bye, each and every time...

I feel my saviors love

I'm not really sure why, but this song has come to mind many times this week and brought a lot of comfort.

I feel my Savior’s love,
In all the world around me
His Spirit warms my soul
Through everything I see.

He knows I will follow Him,
Give all my life to Him
I feel my Savior's love
The love He freely gives me.

I feel my Savior’s love
Its gentleness enfolds me
And when I kneel to pray
My heart is filled with peace.

He knows I will follow Him,
Give all my life to Him
I feel my Savior’s love
The love He freely gives me.

I feel my Savior’s love
And know that He will bless me
I offer Him my heart;
My shepherd He will be.

He knows I will follow Him,
Give all my life to Him
I feel my Savior’s love,
The love He freely gives me.

I’ll share my Savior’s love
By serving others freely,
In serving I am blessed,
In giving I receive.

He knows I will follow Him,
Give all my life to Him
I feel my Savior’s love,
The love He freely gives me.

The Ministry of Angels

"My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.” 13 On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal."

Pay it forward

How will you remember David? How has he touched your life? How will you "pay it forward" in this life? We encourage all who knew David to think of something to do as a service to bless someones life they way Dave would have. Another idea is to set a personal goal to improve yourself and find a way to develop one of the many positive attributes Dave held. Once you have completed your act of service or goal, please send an email to ekirkby@kirkby.org describing what you did (why did you choose it, what did you do, who did it help, etc...). Pictures or video to accompany your email would be cool if possible. We hope to launch a flood of these posts in the fall. David's birthday is November 8th, and his last day on this earth was December 8th. For those 30 days we will be publishing these stories - as many as we can! So put those thinking caps on and brainstorm away! Kids can participate too!

Blessings

I keep thinking I should make an entry here, but it makes me sad. My siblings seem to say exactly what's in my heart anyway. But, I thought I'd post a song that has given me strength the past few weeks. Thought you all might benefit from it as well.

The worst of times, sprinkled in with some of the best.

I feel like I have aged at least 5 years in the past 5 weeks. My whole life and point of view has been forever shifted. It was the worst of times sprinkled in with a little bit of the best.

worst: watching my parents crumble in the hospital as they recieved news of the worst.

BEST: watching my parents be strong and united as they led us through the mists of darkness the first few weeks.

worst: truly letting it sink in that David's life on this earth is over

BEST: knowing for SURE that David's spirit continues on and is nearer to us

than I ever imagined.

worst: watching Cristina go through my worst nightmare. feeling so very helpless as I watch her cry in agony.

BEST: watching Cristina be strong and faithful,

hearing her comfort me and sharing our testimonies of forever familes.

worst: trying to help Joshua understand why his dad is gone and where he has gone.

BEST: watching and feeling

David's spirit comfort

his children and wife when no one else can.

The smile on Joshua's face as he talks about building legos with his dad.

worst: feeling so overwhelmed at the thought of how we could face the coming days and weeks.

BEST: cousins coming to the resuce from near and far to help wherever they were needed. And they were so very needed.

worst: The Kirkby's made the drive from Las Vegas and back 3 times in just over a month.

BEST: lots of good cousin time--and they made it safely every time.

worst: questioning God and His plan...He could have prevented this from happening.

BEST: Knowing for sure that God is in charge, He loves us and will help us all through.

worst: feeling like the world is spinning out of control and yet in slow motion at the same time.

BEST: knowing and feeling all the prayers of dear friends and family--all those combined prayers get us through each new day.

worst: trying to celebrate Christmas 15 days after our worlds came crashing down.

BEST: at least the kids had fun. And Ben and his family got to stay for a full 3 weeks

thanks to the timing of things.

I know that as we continue to ask for Heavenly Father's comfort and guidance, He will help us figure out how to move forward from here. We will never move on as David has left huge holes in all of our hearts, Life will never be the same. I will never be the same. But it will be okay. It will get better. It has to. There is no other option.

Organ Donation

Cris received a letter last week from the Organ Donation team. Click on the "updates and events" tab to read the letter yourself. Even though it was wonderful to hear of successful transplants from our David, it brought a lot of feelings to the surface again.

My personal favorite part of the letter was about his heart going to a father of two kids. We don't know how old he is, but I like to imagine someone young like Dave- eager to be with his family again doing the activities they use to do. Lets pray all the recipients will continue to heal properly and benefit from David's gifts for many more years.

There is no end to love

There is no end to glory;
There is no end to love;
There is no end to being;
There is no death above.
There is no end to glory;
There is no end to love;
There is no end to being;
There is no death above.