3 Months!

   3 long months with out my Dave. Today i have been thinking about him more than normal, maybe cause it happened 3 months ago and same day. We went to cut Joshua's hair today, while the girl was cutting his hair Joshua said: My daddy did the same a long time ago.
Girl: Oh really? Why is he not doing it this time?
Joshua: 'cause he got very hurt when his car crashed and his body stop working.
    Every day is constant reminder, all the chores i do brings me memories, when i hear a boy calling his daddy it hurts my heart, my kids wont have that opportunity, and i feel so helpless.
    My day pretty much is the same now.
I wake up sometimes at 8 or 9. My kids are already eating cereal and then i start cleaning, Lexi is gone to work and i make double breakfast for my kiddos. One hour has gone and i find myself on my bed thinking on all the plans we had, i feel sad, i feel up set, i feel angry, time to get off the bed and stop my kids from them to screaming each other. I look at the clock, half hour more, i do laundry, i call my mom and i pretend all is well, another hour with my mom on the phone, say good bye and them start the argument with Josh about the importance of going to school and how proud daddy is. Take Josh to the bus stop, look at my son while he gets on the bus, my heart again wants to stop beating and i wish my Dave was here to see his boy growing. Jasmine now is upset with mom, i am not her best friend anymore, she does not like me and i teach her that those are not nice words to say, looks like now i have to make twice the work when i have to explain them. Time for her to take a nap, she is asleep, mom gets her quiet time, i go to my computer, look at pictures and videos, my body now is getting tired i start crying and i feel angry again, i go to my closet, kneel down and say a pray, get up and find my way to continue with the chores at home. Josh is back from school, now is 4 oclock, the hard time is circle around, time for me to leave the house cause my reality says i have to go, get my kids ready and start driving. While i am driving i find myself even more upset, i start hating everything around me including me. I ask now those questions that before i was afraid to ask like WHY?, WHY HIM?, he was a perfect Dad and husband, he was doing the right things and spending time with us, why did Heavenly Father took away the opportunity of Dave seen his kids grow up and the opportunity for him to grow old with me? Why? He was doing a fantastic job at work, teaching all the company better ways to save money and make a better product. Why? and more and more Why! I don't know and i don't want to get too deep and lose my mind again.
   By the end of the day, when my world seems to collapse, i see lots of angels helping me, teaching me how to get back on track and i find myself smiling cause a good friend of mine tells me and i am strong enough to show everybody the type of warrior i am. He holds my hand and say: I hope some day Heavenly Father gives me the opportunity to hold your hand and take you back to your David and make sure you will be happy with him and your kids. I hope one day you will give me the chance to show you how much i care for you and the kids and how much i love you.
    My heart is happy again, the hope is alive, the memories ahead are real and can happen. I thank my Lord for the blessings i have in my life, specially for the new feelings i have for this friend, feelings that make me happy, the joy i have when we laugh together and the peace i feel when we read the scriptures and the clear path i have to follow, nobody will replace my Dave, but i want to be happy! he wants me happy and i want to show my kids how much Daddy love us, we miss him crazy, but each day we get a little better. Love you all...