A cousin's example . . . from Jake

I probably think about David about everyday.  I think about him when I see something I know he'd like (a movie, song or game), when I remember something we did together or just when I'm driving on my long commute and feel lonely.  Unfortunately all the thought has produced very little action.  I have been thinking about what I would say for this occasion of his 33rd birthday and in preparation dug into my stash of letters that he wrote me.  It was probably only the second time I had read most of them.  The dozen or so letters that were saved span from his high school days (I read about what he did for his birthday 15 years ago, the designing of our own Star Wars board game, college life) to his mission (what it was like in the MTC, first reactions to Mexico, advice to a future missionary such as myself), to my mission (his difficulty finding a girlfriend, working and studying, eventually meeting and being swept off his feet by Cristina).  He was my best friend during this period of our lives.  These past 11 months I have sat back and read what his siblings and spouse wrote about him and didn't even realize how much first hand (literally handwritten) sources I've had.  They have some really sweet things about his family, his early courtship with Christina (kind of the other side of Cristina's journal entries that Lani read at the funeral) and lots of goofy funny stuff too.  He was a real nerd but boy we had some good nerdy fun! So anyway I will scan these letters and make sure they are posted on the blog.

How David celebrated his Birthday 15 years ago

Our calendar of stuff to do during winter break '96.
We did this every time we got together, this was the only one I can find.

Cousins hike to Emerald Pools

EFY at BYU 1999 and yes Jared loved it

David came up with this totally original battle scheme for our
Star Wars game that we spent  months making but never played a complete game.

Not a great photograph but you can tell Dave and I are on top of the world
hanging out with three of the five most beautiful sisters in Orderville.

David on having annoying companions

David on the family speaking Spanish.  Johnny and now Lexie continue the tradition.

David on hanging out with Ben.  Of course he
later developed the same closeness with Alex just as he wished here.

David said, "Thanks for the Far Sides" which I would send with every letter. As I read the one about the man milking the cow standing up, I couldn't stop laughing.  Everyone thought I had lost it, but seriously I couldn't help it.  It was honestly the heartiest & heaviest I've laughed for 10 months.

He wrote me about a special girl named Cristina he fell in love
with on a trip to Merida with my dad and Joe

I feel I owe so much to David and have so many memories of him that the possible volume of this thought would either be impossibly big for me to complete or else a pitiful fraction of what I know and feel.  I want to just tell a couple brief memories that show his journey from faithful but immature and agnostic teenager to mature man of God (a phrase he used frequently in his correspondence, not in reference to himself but in his goal).  I feel like we took this journey at the same time.

We were headed back from scout camp where we were the two oldest scouts in attendance so David must have been 17.  Bruce was driving and David sat in shotgun while I was in the back.  I don't think they knew I was listening because I remember feeling secretly privy to a very intimate Father/Son conversation.  David asked his dad if he thought Heavenly Father treated His children in the Church differently than the rest of His children, "Does he answer their prayers the same as he answers a church member's?"  He probably wasn't doubting the existence of God but kind of wondered why He would need a single true church when we were all his children and thus why he, David, would need to participate in it.  The discussion went from "does he listen to and reward our prayers differently" to the disparity of our various positions at birth.  I don't remember all of Bruce's wisdom on doctrinal exclusivity or fore-ordination that day but I remember it was gracious, encouraging and calming.  I think of this conversation when the topic arises in study or church about "consider the lilies of the field" or "where much is given much is required" or what it means to make covenants.  What I've come to think this means is that David was a thinker.  He pondered on the big questions and did not shy away or let doubts get the best of him.  I think David was after two things; first, he wanted to know his standing with God.  He wanted to know if Heavenly Father heard his prayers.  He was always a good boy.  He didn't have an ounce of rebellion in him, he wanted to know what the right thing was so he could do it.  Second, I think this question shows his compassion for other people.  He wanted to know how they fit in the Plan of Salvation if they didn't have the blessings of the gospel like he did.

I believe it was the following Summer that we went to Youth Conference.  On the last evening a testimony meeting was held in which David played an unusually large role.  I actually don't remember what he said if he spoke at all but I remember multiple (like a half dozen or more) people talking about him.  They all said that their lives had been touched by David's example.  It was his example of kindness, stories about him being their only friend, or about him running with Eric Carrillo or showing kindness to a less fortunate.  All of these people said that his example brought them closer to the gospel.  I remember thinking about these statements in light of his uncertainties.  When others were wavering and needed an example he could be depended on despite his own doubts.  He acted righteously even before he was blessed with sure testimony.  I don't know whether it was because of something he said or whether I said it in my head but I remember thinking at the time and since that his faith preceded the miracle, that he was willing to act before he had a certainty, obey before blessed.

In Alex's poignant and perfect eulogy he spoke of an experience he had with David that must have happened not too long after this because David had not yet gone on a mission.  This story seemed to put a bookend on the timeline of David's testimony development.  Somebody, a return missionary apparently close to them, had flippantly expressed incredulity at Joseph Smith's divine role.  David made a point afterwards to take Alex aside and tell him that person was wrong, that Joseph was indeed a prophet and that David knew it.  It shows not only his love and concern for his little brother's spirit (a responsibility he undoubtedly learned from his older brother) but also his own spiritual growth from doubt to surety.

I know by the time he served a mission he had a deep and unshakable testimony that we bore in every letter and at every opportunity.  I just wanted his kids and nephews and nieces and anyone else who might read this to know how he got it.  He acted in faith, doing his best and hoping the Lord would give him answers.  He continuously tried to improve himself and to love those around him.  He cared enough to be curious and study and he followed the many good examples in his life.  I'm so grateful that he shared that progress with with me and that I could now testify that he knew.

I never said much about my thoughts and feelings at the time of David's passing but would now like to take the opportunity here.  My family had gathered from multiple states for Dana's boy Carter's blessing.  A few days before our arrival we heard that our maternal grandmother had passed away after years of widowhood and dementia.  At the time we counted it a great blessing that we could all be there for her funeral.  The morning of the funeral was the same dark Friday that the unthinkable happened to David.  My family was planning on staying with David and Cristina one of the nights of that trip but hadn't actually bothered calling to arranged it because I figured I could rely on their automatic hospitality as I had in the past.  Thus I missed my last mortal opportunity to talk to him.  I count it a miracle that Joe, Karyn, Dana, and I were in Salt Lake and close enough that we could visit the hospital to say goodbye and to hug our loved ones in so much pain.  A few days later the double baby shower (for Moses and Lincoln) turned into a wake and I remember feeling so grateful to close to my many beloved cousins and Jimae and Bruce in our hour of common grief. Being near them physically and emotionally helped.  My thought at the time was that it was such a tragedy that someone was taken that had so much going on, that had so many depending on him, that was such a good and worthy person.  Of all of us why him?  And yet the fact that he had accomplished so much, had so many loved ones, was so worthy perhaps made him a better candidate because he had had a fuller life.  That fact that in such the short span of his earth life he was able to influence so many, live a wonderful love story and father two great kids made him a more prepared and merciful sacrifice than another.  I also count it as a tender mercy to have said the closing prayer at David's mortal farewell just as I had at his missionary farewell.  Nobody but me would have remembered who said a prayer in some meeting 12 years earlier but I did and it meant a lot.